To see 2 important American Icons go.BOSTON --What city health officials at first thought was an outbreak of whooping cough among employees at Children's Hospital Boston may have been something else entirely.
But exactly what is still in question.
It started when a 19-month-old patient came down with the classic symptoms of whooping cough, a respiratory disease also known as pertussis. Symptoms include a runny nose, sneezing, slight fever, and mild cough, which can develop into a violent and persistent cough.
A laboratory test confirmed he had the disease.
Three dozen hospital employees and one other patient tested positive for whooping cough from late September through early November.
But further testing, different from the initial tests, could find little evidence of the highly contagious bacteria. Now no one can say for sure what made the workers sick, but pertussis hasn't been ruled out.
Federal and state health officials joined the city in trying to figure out exactly what ailed the workers, all of whom recovered.
The Children's Hospital cases were at first confirmed through a test called polymerase chain reaction, or PCR.
Based on the tests, Children's moved to contain the outbreak.
"Children's, much like we do at the local health department, really relies on laboratory tests to guide us on what the diagnosis is, especially illnesses that can look like a lot of different things," said Dr. Anita Barry of the Boston Public Health Commission. "Having accurate test results early on, particularly when they're consistent with the clinical symptoms, really launches us into control steps."
State lab workers then performed other tests, including the laborious task of culturing samples and taking blood samples from hospital workers.
The additional tests were almost uniformly negative for pertussis.
Samples were sent to the federal Centers for Disease Control.
"The results were inconclusive," said Dr. Amanda Cohn, a medical epidemiologist for the federal agency.
There are competing theories, ranging from a cold virus to a bacterial relative of pertussis to the virus that causes the condition commonly known as walking pneumonia.
It's unlikely that the causes of all the respiratory illnesses will ever be fully known.
"What I can say is that whatever it was, it went away," Barry said. "And that's the good news."
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Information from: The Boston Globe, http://www.boston.com/globe 
I guess I've been pretending too much to be much stronger then I actually am. It helps, the outward appearence, to pretend to look like you can handle anything, that it doesn't matter if a guy doesn't look your way or return your feelings, it doesn't matter that you're spending the holidays not with your family (I mean sure, mine family is crap, but still...), it doesn't matter that all these things rolled in to one person may eventually lead them to crash.
But it does matter, cause i did crash. I had a minor breakdown in the truck.
After a wonderful weekend in NYC and a few days upstate relaxing, Patterson was driving me to the bus station. As we were driving, i was thinking about how great he's been, how nice the christmas lights on the streets around look, and then i realize that we're almost to my dad's exit. Which is when for some reason, i started to get really sad. I started to get angry that i was being driving to a bus station on Christmas Eve, only to spend Christmas Day working. I started to cry just as Patterson asked me what my favorite part of the weekend had been. Then i just let it all out, i just was overcome with emotion and just bawled. I bawled for the fact that i didn't have a christmas tree, had no one to spend the day with, that Patterson's mom had told me she loved me, that it's been years since my own family had told me that they loved me - so many things just racing through my head all in a time span of exit 11 to exit 9. Patterson then promptly turned the truck around and fueled my silly christmas desire to look at christmas lights in neighborhoods. Of course we got a little lost in the neighborhood, but that's fine.
I guess some how i need to learn to let go of all the issues that i carrying around with me. Some how, years later the lack of christmas tradition still wears so very thin on me and i wish that i could some how recreate it. I want christmas lights on the house, i want christmas trees and candles in every window. I want family to all come over and enjoy cookies that i've made with friends and family. Then i want to go to church with loved ones (eventually this will include my adorable children who will be wearing beautiful christmas dresses with big bows and the boys will have vests and bow ties). I want christmas day to be filled with laughter and joy, even if everyone doesn't get what they want. I also want snow.
Maybe i want the impossible, the improbable, the unlikely. Maybe much of what i am looking for in life is impossible. Maybe there no one out there for me, maybe there isn't a future with kids, maybe i am not meant to be a nurse, maybe i will never have a christmas like the one i want, but i can atleast wish right? A girl can always continue to wish for good things?
Usually, i don't post song lyrics on this but here goes:
Stand - Rascal Flats - Me and My Gang
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh
So, i am getting very excited (although, still sick) about going to NYC tomorrow and spending the whole day in lovely NYC. Lots of walking to be had, lots of excitement and wonderfulness.
The plan is to get to South Station for a 2 am bus to NYC. Then meet Patterson and the gang at Penn station (where i can luckily check my bag). Then we're off to the WTC, Empire State Building, FAO Schwartz (they put in a new piano!!), the three story Old Navy, Rockefeller Center (not quite sure how to spell that) and whatever else, and then top the evening off with my first viewing of the NYC version of Rent. I've only seen it in Boston. I am very very excited, yet because i am not 100% well, this will be interesting. I cough a lot and have to catch my breath, so I might be the slow kid, unfortunately. When we're done in NYC, i am taking the train to Albany to spend a day with Patterson then taking the bus back to Boston so i can hopefully work on Christmas Day. We'll see how i feel and if there are any diagnoses.
I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas weekend. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night :)
PS does any one else find the Celine Dion commercial, where she is singing under the tree kinda creepy. I mean, i just don't feel the need for her to be there. But whatever, someone must like the commercial.
update: Here's a picture from the trip. It's me, Patterson, Val and Kevin in Times Square.
Hello.
You can call me B. pertussis.
I'm a Gram Negative bacteria.
I am spread to people by respiratory droplets.
I cause whooping cough, which can be highly fatal in infants.
How do I do this?
I get into the throat and make toxins.
First I give you a cough, then your throat swells up.
If it swells up enough, it can block your airway, giving your breathing a "whooping" sound.
So my lovely readers, i am afraid i have been preoccupied with other things. I have been working way too much lately and not having much of a life.
Saturday was our Christmas party at work. I had been feeling worn down, but still worked over 97 hours the past 2 weeks. We had an amazing Hanukkah party on Saturday night, at which I got a little too tipsy. I apparently went to sleep without saying good-bye to the boys. Shaun got me a very cute stuffed giardia and Jon got Marian and I a lovely box of chocolates. The next morning, Jon, Marian, Crimson and I made cookies for our Thursday night group. Marian and i were then tricked in to going to the 4 O'clock service. We expected both Jon and Crimson to come with, but we were abandoned at the T.
Today, i spent the day at home because i had a fever and i have no voice. It really sucks being sick a lot. I hate it. I spent most of the day sleeping after going to bed at 7 last night. I hope to feel better though because i am meeting Patterson and friends in NYC on Friday.
Tonight Marian and i watched TV in my room, cuddling on the bed. It's been nice, until Marian groped me. Literally reached over and caressed my right boob. Jumped right over the body pillow barrier made for a safer bed share and just rubbed it. Just like that. Wow. Roomates gone wild.
the true story: Marian was talking about scratch and sniff t-shirts, represented by the picture here (read the script on the t to find out why Marian was so interested in it). She was explaining how cool they were, yet how very inappropriate. She says "what are you supposed to do, just scratch and sniff, that's completely wrong!". But instead of leaving it at that, she decided it would be helpful to me, if she actually demonstrated this process, thankfully leaving out the sniff part.
Really, it has been a lovely night. I have been in bed all day and then got some action. I might just stay home more often. ;)
loving someoneSo, i use myspace and facebook to stay in touch with folks. On MySpace, i have been bloggin for a few years, however, i usually only reserve that blog for song lyrics that i find either suit how i feel that day or are particularly moving. I find the songs from Pandora Internet Radio, which i find truly one of the greatest internet radios. Pandora allows you to pick artists or songs that you really like and they will find similar, lesser known artists. I have found many a hidden jem through them.
Today, i found my newest favorite song, and felt the need to share it with everyone, not just on MySpace, but here too... 'cause its funny, clever, and hits me where i'm at.
You're a bully and a clownHere comes Suzi Snowflake
Dressed in a snow white gown
Tap, tap, tappin' at your window pane
To tell you she's in town
Here comes Suzi Snowflake
Soon you will hear her say
"Come out ev'ryone and play with me
I haven't long to stay
If you want to make a snowman
I'll help you make one, two, three
If you wanna take a sleigh ride
The ride's on me."
Here comes Suzi Snowflake
Look at her tumblin' down
Bringing joy to every girl and boy
Suzi's come to town
I LOVE THE FIRST SNOWFALL. IT MAKES ME SMILE AND SO VERY HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- So, when i started working here at the Living Center, i moved my desk, so when i look to my left, i am over looking a play ground. Occasionally, i absorbed in watching the cute little tykes playing out on the slide, or in the sand box. I watch as they scatter through out the whole yard, laughing and screaming with 100% joy.
I was watching them just a few moments ago and found myself wishing that i had one. This happens often. But then i found myself daydreaming. I found myself getting married and having pictures taken, and then getting pregnant and having pictures taken, and then having an adorable, loved child (pictures obviously). I pictured my husband and i pushing the kids on a swing and building sand castles. I picture the older boy (cause this IS how it will happen), taking care of his little sister, helping her to get up the slide.
What scares me about this daydream is the possibility of it never coming true. I am scared that none of my dreams will come true and then i question why i have desired them in the first place. What if i don't get in to nursing school? What if i don't get married to the man of my dreams? What if i can't have children? I know, i think too much, but it's where I'm at.
- i just got off the phone with a guy from Jewish Family and ChildrenÂ’s Services in 
- I got a new camera last night. Not really brand new, just new to me. It's a Canon Rebel 2000, EOS, SLR. I am excited for this because i've never had a film camera with auto focus. YAY! You better bet your life that it already has film in it!
Start spreading the newsAfter a very successful Celebration of Life Thanksgiving dinner here at the BLC (volunteers coordinated by moi), i headed out on Wednesday for
Well after much deliberation and thinking and manpower (to get a car), i decided to go to NY to spend the holiday's. I was hoping to spend it with B-Lynn or C-Lynn, but other plans were in store. I was able to spend the past few days with Patterson, reconnecting. And let me just tell you that it was wonderful. We talked about a lot of stuff, reconnected with people, made new friends, and it made me very happy. I was able to also see folks that i haven't seen in awhile like Beloved. I ran in to B-lynn with siblings and Mark (from
There were a few things that got me down. I talked to a lot of folks this weekend about why I was staying with Patterson verses my family. When you talk about a hard situation over and over, no matter how numb you are too it, it still affects you.
By the end I had a nightmare about it. I'm talking heavy breathing, thrashing around nightmare. All i really remember about it was people who i know like my parents, friends parents, friends and people from churches i have gone too all yelling at me, and picketing me (like Matthew Shepherd in Laramie Project). Saying awful things about me and i just couldn't get through. I couldn't tell them that i wasn't bad. I couldn't convince them of my reconciliation of mistakes and decisions i've made. I woke up all sweaty and disoriented. No good.
Along that line a conversation with Patterson made me take a hard look at myself and realize that decisions i have made in the past few years were serious errors in judgment. I was pretty good at pretending it didn't matter but... it does.
In high school and the beginning of college, i was very big on the idea of abstinence. I was one of those girls who dreamed about her first kiss with her husband was on the altar. Not all of my actions however followed that, i think partly because i never really believed most of the guys i dated would ever be someone i could marry (also not so good).
In January of my freshman year, i was dating P-1. He was not a strong Christian, if even a Christian at all. He was raised in a Christian home, and had some set of morals, but barely came to church even though his family was very involved. He was some what pushy when it came to being physical. It caused a rift in our relationship because I wasn't so comfortable with being at the level he wanted to be at. One night we pushed our relationship to the edge. I somewhat pride myself from stopping actual intercourse, but, still am angry at how far we went.
We broke up shortly after that and from that point on; i was very much against a physical relationship. Now don't get me wrong. With those 5 love languages things, i am 100% physical touch. I love hugs, and cuddles. Scratches on the head make me crazy and back massages make me weak. But past that, i was skiddish.
I met Patterson during this period and we were coming from the same place, so i felt always very comfortable with him. After Patterson and I lost touch, i met P-2. I was on alternative spring break reading Passion and Purity. P-2 thought that was funny and said that deep down in side, there was a feign waiting to come out. A while later P-2 brought that out and we continued this casual relationship up into July. I could almost guarantee we would continue, but, we just haven't been available at the same time.
Patterson and I are talking about this late one night and he said, "i don't judge you, you know" and i said, "that's ok, i judge myself enough". Patterson then said “you must have loved him a lot". That is when i felt the entire world crash on me. I had always felt some what guilty about the decisions i had made, but put them off for the fact that what i was doing was so fun and enjoyable. I never put them in terms of being an actual thing wrong. But as soon as Patterson said that, I realized for the first time how really selfish and unholy my choices have been. Never once have I wanted to date P-2. He was just someone to be with. And I feel awful for that fact. I feel terrible for doing it and thinking that it was fine.
I am not really sure why I wrote about this. I think because I am searching for help. Searching for someone to say, it’s ok. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t do it again. But, instead of just hearing that as I have over and over, I want to believe that it’s ok. I want to believe that I haven’t destroyed future relationships. I want to never compare my husband to P-2. And these things I never thought of because I was so selfish. I do appreciate the accountability that Patterson brought out though. I feel like everyone else has been perhaps disappointed but never come out and said, what you’re doing is going to hurt yourself and your future and you need to stop, now.
I guess this is where I’m at. I have a lot of thinking to do after this week. I encourage your prayers for me because I need to sort my head from my heart. Love you all.
I always try to be a tough guy. I try to not let things affect me outwardly as they do inside. inside, i am ripped apart and in pain. Right now, i am sad because it's thanksgiving and i like to pretend that i don't need any one. i like to pretend that i'm ok not going any where. I'm not with family, so i'm ok right?
Not true. I want to go to NY. I want to see everyone i love. I want to be surrounded by family. I don't want to depend on everyone to drive me around like a 15 year old. I want to just be on my own. I want to see people.
I'll be ok.
with an ease that only the truly self-obsessed can approach:
Rules:
So the point of this game is you post a blog about ten weird habits/random facts about yourself, and then "tag" ten people who then have to post a blog about their ten weird habits/random facts. You have to tag them in your blog and then post a comment on their page saying that you tagged them. And no tag-backs.
1. i have a slight obsession with mac and cheese. I love it in any form and variety. we're talking from kraft to real ooey-gooey cheese.
2. i have a horrible time remembering peoples names when i first meet them, however, i have a gift for recognizing faces and remembering random details about them.
3. i drink atleast one nalgene a day of water, and that's a lot.
4. sometimes i have montage sequences run through my head when i think of select folks. usually the montage is not the most wholesome either.
5. i love stories. i could hear people tell stories forever. i just like knowing where different folks are coming from.
6. i am on weight watchers, and have lost 10 lbs in 1 month. i am proud of that, so this weekend i gorged on food. sometimes, i am not so smart.
7. i thrive on constant communication. it doesn't need to be a whole sentance, just a hi to know you're there and care somehow. i get very upset and hurt easily if i send a message and don't hear anything for a day.
8. i have a militant view of cheating which is strange because i really haven't been cheated on. but i have no respect for it at all and could never understand someone who could do that to someone they supposedly love. i don't like seeing it on tv (satc for instance), movies or books. i do not like it.
9. i sleep cuddling a body pillow. past expirieince showed me the gloriousness of cuddling and being next to someone and i seek that out on a daily basis. recently i have started putting the heating pad on the pillow (because i've been so cold) and it luls me to sleep.
10. i love taking pictures of myself, but hate having my picture taken.
i don't have too many blog friends, so i tag girl and anderson hottie cooper (who will never do this). feel free however to respond in a comment. i like random facts.
I am feeling very seperated these days, as if parts of me are water and the other oil. I don't feel whole, i feel like i am pieces trying to be put together. I think part of it comes from over analyzing myself and trying to figure out where i belong. I feel like a stranger sometimes in church and an outsider at work. There are parts of me that go every where, but i feel like none come together and make sense. I've been battling this most recently while chatting with a friend. He met me before i went hippie and became more liberal. I was content the way i was, and i feel like i rebelled. But i am not so uncomfortable with the choices i have made, i am just uncomfortable explaining them. I feel torn between a christian and a secular world. and that's where i'm at.
No executive director - out for personal
No deputy director - has left
No Member Service Director - out at a conference
No Assistant Kitchen Director - sick
No Accounting Manager - vacation
No Development Director - sick
No Social Work Coordinator - vacation
NO VOLUNTEERS TO RUN THE MEAL PROGRAM.
i am not quite sure how we are functioning right now. pray for me.
I'm in a fog. I am stressed and worried and almost unreachable. I am feeling restless. I want to get out of things, do other things. I feel as if i am not achieving my full potential here. I feel as thought i can be more useful to the world. But how do i get there. How can i be content?
I am uncomfortable in my skin. Something is making me squirm and be not ok. I feel seperated, different than the rest. There is something in me that cringes at topics. Why am i jealous? Why am i frustrated? Just so much going on in me right now.
What's wrong with me? And how do i fix it?
The Godmother, myself and Ali went to Salem on Sunday and it was such a blast. I feel that perhaps Salem wasn't exactly great, but the company was wonderful. We made it fun. There was butt smacking, mullet finding and dancing to Peruvian music. What could be better? Perhaps we'll make this a tradition.
Friday night:
I recently got the opportunity to get a lot of things that have bogged me down off my chest. Patterson and I have been talking a lot and last night somehow we got on the conversation of what had gone on in the past and I said that I had always wanted to ask some questions.So i worked Saturday, of course. I always work. Thankfully however, there were enough volunteers and the problem was more of what to do with the volunteers than, make them appear out of no where.
After work, i came home and relaxed for a bit and then Marian and i went to Costco, Home Depot, Michaels and Target. At Costco, i FINALLY got glasses. I am so excited for that. I haven't been able to see very clearly yet, so this will be great. I'll take some cute pictures, most likely emo-ish when i get them in the next 2 weeks or so. We also got some other stuff for our Thursday night group. Then at Home Depot we bought paint for our art deco project. Which will be lots of fun. Since Girl is moving out and after Sarahly moved out, we lost a few decorative items. Marian was looking at some stuff that inspired us from Pier 1 and we're takking it from there. in Michael's Marian got some new knitting needles. Target was not as successful. Target didn't have the cd i'd been looking for, but i did get a new white button down, a vest and a purple shirt. So, it was some what good. Also, we got frames, so i am going to start printing some pictures from Africa. It will be nice :) We came back pretty late and then i realized that i forgot my phone in the zip car, so i had to go back and get it.
When i got back to the house, i started dinner. I saw this recipie for a chicken - broccoli pizza. It looked very good. SO i started making it, and the chicken was frozen, i didn't have all the ingredients, etc... should've been a sign. I decided to use cottage cheese instead of the rocotta which the wentworth boy said was a bad idea. Then i thawed the chicken and breaded it and made the pizza. The edges started to brown so i put tin foil on the edges. Then the middle started to brown. At this same point, Marian's speech got lost on the computer. So i made a deal with her. I'll find the speech if she fixes the pizza. Well i found the speech and Marian put the pizza on broil. In less than 2 mintues the pizza was black. So we picked off the burned cheese and put on new cheese, cooked it for a little bit more and then ate it (it was alright!).
This morning Marian and Rebekah were speaking at the 8:30 service. Therefore, i had to sleep. However, I didn't sleep. I got maybe 3 hours. I just tossed and turned. I sat up and read mail, read books, listened to music... and nothing helped, at all. But we went to church, and Marian and Rebekah did great, we spoke to a few people. Then we went to brunch at the Kinsale, and had the worst service every. Sleepy Marian and I came back home and went our seperate ways, me to clean and her to sleep. Patterson called, and we talked for over an hour. Gosh it's so good to hear from him. It's so nice to talk to him and just have him around again. I feel like I've been able to fill a hole that's been there for 3 years.
I left shortly after Patterson's call to get Sean, and we went to a photo show out in Newtonville. Beautiful peieces of art and even better networking. It was great. I had a great time. I feel like the boys in our bible study have been very scared of us girls, but it's really nice seeing them come out of their shells and hanging out with us on a night other than Thursdays.
I am hoping that i can sleep tonight. However, its 10:00 and i'm not tired at all. I think i am stressing too much about stuff that i can't even fix. It's things out of my control. How can I relax, get rid of thoughts i can't even control. Sigh. I hope to sleep tonight. I have a nice full 6 day work week ahead including a dentist appt tomorrow - yay! (grrr).
1. I had a panic attack this morning brought on by a spider. 
I was looking for my keys, when I looked in the corner of the porch and there it was. A large gross spider. Then I flipped out. Started not to breathe and had to sit on the stairs and poor Marian had no clue what was going on. I tried to explain to Marian, but I wasn't doing very well, and finally she saw what I was talking about. By the time she tried to do something, I was already gagging, and had to run up the stairs and get myself promptly to our bathroom where I sat for a good 5 minutes. When my savior Marian came back in, she had conquered the beast with our broom. THANK GOD FOR Marian. She deserves a treat tonight, so I am making the planned dinner I was going to make anyways. Chicken and broccoli pizza! Yum.
2. One volunteer showed up today. It was a bad day. I just don't get it. And when i call the volunteers scheduled, they say things like "oh, you know, i just didn't think". Duh, you didn't think. Get your asses in here. I have a 2 o'clock meeting with the kitchen, hopefully, they won't use the meat cleaver on me. Maybe I'll be spared.
3. I have made up a new word. As Sean says, a "suzi-ism". The new work is editable. Meaning something can be edited. Used in a sentence : Gmail's pictures are frustrating because they are not very editable.
4. I have been burned so many times that I was convinced that Patterson was through with me after only one week. I figured because he and this other girl, Cathy, had been talking again, he only had room for one girl in his life to talk too. It seems to be the record from the past. However, i was surprised to see a message from the dear boy this morning. Perhaps we will be friends. That will be nice.
5. I want the new Sting cd. Would you like to buy it for me? I would think so. So on this cd, Sting is playing the lute, which is really cool. And one of the songs is "Come Again". To the naked ear or the non- shaker high school chorus graduate this could mean nothing. However, to me...
Come again! sweet love doth now invite
Thy graces that refrain
To do me due delight,
To see, to hear, to touch, to kiss, to die,
With thee again in sweetest sympathy.
Come again! that I may cease to mourn
Through thy unkind disdain;
For now left and forlorn
I sit, I sigh, I weep, I faint, I die
In deadly pain and endless misery.
All the day the sun that lends me shine
By frowns doth cause me pine
And feeds me with delay;
Her smiles, my springs that makes my joy to grow,
Her frowns the winter of my woe.
All the night my sleeps are full of dreams,
My eyes are full of streams.
My heart takes no delight
1. Novocaine sucks. Please pray that the next 12 teeth are better!
2. Patterson and I exchanged messages on Friday which then went in to exchanging phone numbers which then went in to a 4 hour conversation on Friday night. Almost like picking up where we left off. It was so nice and I've realized that I really did miss him. Even on a platonic level, he is still someone who I value beyond belief. There is a reason we are friends and I am so glad that we're getting to know each other again. I sent him a package today with items from our past including letters never sent and his old sweatshirt which I stole, oh about 4 years ago. It will be interested to see where things go. We talked yesterday evening like it was a normal thing, telling each other stupid stories. I am really glad that he's back. I did threaten him not to screw up again. I am worried about that. It seems though he has learned a lot in the past 3 years. We shall see. Please pray that my heart be guarded properly. Pray that I don't fall again and that the right things happen when and if they are or are not supposed to. Pray that I do not give away my heart again. Pray for common sense and knowledge of right and wrong.
3. I think I was hit on Saturday. I use think because I get really awkward around guys that I do find attractive and who may in return find me attractive. So we're working at the BLC and this hitting on him. He and I are holvery good looking, smart guy is working in the coat room. Most of the members are shamelesslyding wonderful conversations about the BLC, myself and himself. At one point he noticed my claddagh ring. He started asking about if this was the ring that if you wear it certain ways it means certain things like whether you're single or not.
The way that a claddagh ring is worn on the hand is usually intended to convey some indication of the wearer's romantic availability. It is generally true that if the ring is on the right hand with the heart facing towards the hand, indicates that the person wearing the ring is in a serious relationship (his/her heart is closed). A ring worn on the right hand, with the heart outward, away from the hand, the person wearing the ring is not in any serious relationship (the heart is open). A claddagh worn on the left hand with the heart toward the hand indicates that the wearer's heart is truly spoken for. The other orientation (heart outward) indicates being engaged.Well, we all know I am not engaged and that I am not taken, so yes, I'm hopelessly single. So he's looking at the ring and finally says, so are you single? And I snap, yeah, I am. Do we really need to talk about the fact that I am single, that I am all alone, no one wants Suzi. Seriously. And he backed off. Now, I am aware that this was dumb. I had nothing against him, I just wasn't even thinking that he would be interested. So, Whoops. No wonder I am still single.
(RED) was created by Bono and Bobby Shriver, Chairman of DATA to raise awareness and money for The Global Fund by teaming up with the world's most iconic brands to produce (PRODUCT)RED branded products. A percentage of each (PRODUCT)RED product sold is given to The Global Fund. The money helps women and children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa.
What's the meaning of the parentheses or brackets? Well, we call them "the embrace." Each company that becomes (RED) places its logo in this embrace and is then elevated to the power of red. Thus the name -- (PRODUCT)RED.
You, the consumer, can take your purchase to the power of (RED) simply by upgrading your choice. Thus the proposition: (YOU)RED. Be embraced, take your own fine self to the power of (RED).
What better way to become a good-looking samaritan?!
There once was a boy. We'll call him Patterson. And this boy forever changed how I looked at relationships, which is scary and yet great all at once. Patterson was one of the first men to make me see that not all men were horrible creatures who have been sent by God to destroy innocent women and girls.
I met Patterson at my second college in my U.S. History class. He used to come in ever day with a plain bagel and calcium enriched orange juice. He was a very good looking man (he looked like Dave Matthews, so really, who could ask for more sitting next to you in one of your favorite classes! SERIOUSLY FOLKS!). I was always afraid to talk to him because I was convinced he was out of my league. One day he came in with non-calcium enriched oj and those of us there early started to make some jokes and he started talking to us. He was a nice enough guy and said hello through out the rest of the week when seeing me in the hall or the computer lab.
At this same time I was dating a guy named Paul (not PF, but PM). PM and I were an odd match, and did most of our relationship on-line, which I am sure doesn't surprise the Wentworth boy. Anyways. PM was the first guy that I really was physical with and it scared me. I was really active in my church. I gave abstinence talks, and a physical relationship was just not what I wanted at that time. So I broke up with him and he didn't take it very well.
I was in the computer lab one day. Patterson was in there on a computer near me and PM came in VERY ANGRY. He began to yell at me in the computer lab and obviously, I was embarrassed. Patterson got up and very guarded stood near me to make sure nothing happened. The fight passed and Patterson asked, obviously about PM. I explained much of the story but left out details like, I was a Christian, physical relationship and the like. I just didn't think he should know that stuff, especially because I thought he was cute.
PM left me alone and Patterson quickly became one of my best friends. He supported me through so much with family and friends and just life. At one point Patterson came to the lab wearing a white button down shirt with a yellow t-shirt with red lettering under it. The red letter read "
You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has lost its flavor, with what will it be salted? It is then good for nothing, but to be cast out and trodden under the feet of men."So I asked him about it. He said he worked with a youth group at his church. And went on to explain he had just become a Christian in the past year or so. So I explained where I stood on faith and it added a totally new level...
Here's where I get stupid. Today, I was reading myspace, as I often do when I am busy at work. I noticed that there was a new blog post of someone I subscribe to. It happened to be Patterson. He had written a song and posted it. I was very impressed by it. And encouragement never hurt anyone. So I wrote him. I said "nice job with those song lyrics.
I'm waiting for the day I get to see you in concert."
"you've no idea how good it feels to hear (er, read) your voice...always been a great gift of yours...lifting an old friend when he needs it most... with all my heart, how are you? and p.s.: would you come to it? heh"
So, I had a volunteer come in last week and tell me he worked here a few years ago and would like to come back. Things like that always make me nervous because I wonder why did you stop volunteering. But I asked this volunteer why he stopped and he said because he got a job. That to me sounds very logical. I got a job and now can not work during the day. Alright. I'll take that.
I scheduled him to come in Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and was excited for the possibility of having a long term volunteer to come in and knows what he is doing. Phew, what a relief.
So, I had a meeting with the kitchen, told them all the new volunteers. No one said anything, so we went along with it. Yay, new volunteers.
Today, I shall call him TV for The Volunteer, came in . TV signed in at 9:45 like a good lil' volunteer and made his way to the kitchen. The kitchen guy recognized him right away. TV had apparently once fainted in to the sink in the kitchen and almost drown himself. Wonderful, our kitchen man thought, perhaps he's changed.
At 11 o'clock or so TV walked out. We assumed to smoke, so we said nothing of it. However, now at 12:01, TV is still missing, and will have to be fired, asked never to come back. ever. How very sad.
Also, to put how desperate we are in to perspective, our Kitchen guy didn't fire him immediately because we needed the help today. Out of my lovely oh, 8 volunteers, we had 5, and one was a walk-in and one was fired.
So, I finally have insurance. YES. Exciting. I can go to every thing I need to. I already got my eyes checked, I have a doctors appointment Thursday, and I've gone to the dentist. Its wonderful, really, to have the freedom to really get a full check up and be told, "healthy" - especially to me, girl with 1,000 diseases.
then said, "I knew if I didn't say anything, she wouldn't have shown up, damn it." I sat down and within a few minutes, the hygienist came out and said "Susan, you can come with me". So I followed her. I sat down and she put the drool bib on me, then started looking at my x-rays and said, "you need to get these filled right away." I explained that I knew that, but $230 was just too much right now and I'd have to hold off. She apparently found that offensive and went in to a whole thing about how I need them done other wise it will be more than whatever the insurance is. And I said I understand, I just can't afford that right now, if it were lower, sure I could do it, but when I called on Wednesday to confirm, I was told $230 and promptly cancelled the appointment. She got very angry and was re-explaining things. I said, I was not about to argue with someone, I just came in to get my teeth cleaned, I know about the cavities and will take care of them when I can. That was the last straw for her, she walked out of the office for a good 20 minutes.
Saturday night was girls night in and wonderful. A few girls came over and as girls do, we talked about boys. I love talking about boys! But it was most fantastic when we talked about the boys we all knew and one of the girls used the most fantastic phrase ever."Back off ladies, that one's mine. I've sinned too many times with him in my head"Oh yes, That is what was said. How lovely and descriptive! Now, there is no way that I can say I've never sinned with someone, let alone in my head (sometimes, its like an "unrated indie movie" in there! CRAZY). I just truly love the fact that the phrase was actually said.
We're doing our part by going all natural mold. We'll be the ones to come up with a cure for HIV/AIDS. How about you? What are you doing?
I want to thank MZ for her contribution to science and research. We applaud you for your efforts.
Those of you who know me, know I work for the Boston Living Center. It is an HIV/AIDS orgnization that supports those infected and affected with HIV/AIDS. We have recently been made aware of a very serious issue. The Ryan White Comprehensive AIDS Resources Emergency (CARE) Act is Federal legislation that addresses the unmet health needs of persons living with HIV disease (PLWH) by funding primary health care and support services. The CARE Act was named after Ryan White, an Indiana teenager whose courageous struggle with HIV/AIDS and against AIDS-related discrimination helped educate the nation.
The Act is in danger of not being reauthorized. PLEASE, go to this link and send a message to your local law maker. Then send it to friends. We need this ACT to keep HIV/AIDS service organizations going.
PLEASE HELP!
http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/ryanwhite/win6nww245biekx?
I have a small favor to ask all of you. I have decided to make some major changes in my life and I am asking you all to support me through it. I know a lot of things are going to be hard and I am already nervous. Please just be there for me. Be prepared to listen to me whine and comfort me when I stumble. Please be ready with cheesy "you can do its" and "way to gos".
Thank you. I appreciate it.
2 years ago (just about to the day) I had my first one. I was getting ready to go to the Ramification's performance at the Museum of Fine Arts. Keri and I were getting ready at my apartment. We were to wear all black with "bling", which meant a splash of color. I had in my head the whole outfit. I put it on and the blacks didn't match. Not a big deal, I have plenty of black shirts, I can get another one. So I put on another one, again, no blacks matched. I started to breathe very heavily, and then I started to cry. I just sobbed and poor Keri had no clue what to do. I didn't think it would be possible for me to go outside looking as I did. In shambles, clothes not matching, my face a wreck and worst of all, how I looked from head to toe - gross. It took a long time to get calm enough that we could go on and sing, but some how I got through it and thought, ok... well that was strange.
Then they started happening more often. I started freaking out when I looked in the mirror, when I saw a spider, when I thought of my family, all of these stressors triggered some type of attack. It got so severe that I started seeing someone at Suffolk. He said they were panic attacks and we would try to get to the route of the problem, in the mean time taught me some simple ways to control myself when it happens.
It has been 2 years and since then I have probably had about 5 panic attacks, most of them I have been able to control. Every so often I'll have a bad one, like February this year when my dad turned my cell phone off and decided to be an ass (more than usual) to me. I crawled in to the corner of the bathroom and just sobbed and tried so hard to breathe. Thankfully the Wentworth boy took pity on me and took me home and made me rest. But I have really gotten a handle on the situation... that is until tonight.
I was trying on clothes to wear tomorrow because it is Suffolk's centennial celebration and I wanted to look presentable. After all Former President Bush will be there, and I feel as though it is a classy steve madden shoe day verses the good ol' old navy flip-flops. I was wearing my favorite black pants, a white shirt with a grey sweater. It looked presentable I guess, but all of a sudden it became too tight. I expanded past the point of recognition and all I could do was to try to rip it off me. When I got to my room (from the mirror I was looking in ) and changed, I started to cry, sob, shake with fear, and then came the breathing, or lack there of. The air was out of my room and all I could feel was something closing in on me. I am not completely sure what triggered it, but I do know that I am not wanting to go see Bush tomorrow, or wear anything fancy (not like I really own anything presentable, that also creates a bit of an issue for me. I have a lot more growing up to do than I thought.)
I am scared. I'm not going to lie. Things have been worrying me. My dad got married on Saturday. I haven't spoken to some of my best friends in a while because of schedules. I am worried about how to be friends with people. I am worried about work and if I can be an effective volunteer coordinator. I am overly self conscious and am worried about how to overcome that. My brain has become a sess pool of concern.
I was so proud of myself at 10 am this morning. I had over 10 volunteers coming in. Most of which were earning hours for either community service or a service-learning class. Meaning, they had to be here.
At 10:30, when volunteers show up. I had 3 and one wasn't even working in the kitchen.
Now, at 11, I have 3, still with the one not working in the kitchen, and I need 12. I feel rejected by the world. Why would you say you'd do something and then not come. Is it me? Is it them? What is it?
Its very sad too because I was really in a good mood. boo.
Update: 11:43 am. 4 volunteers. But let's add insult to injury. I was then talked sharply too because I assigned the volunteer not working in the kitchen to someone who has been asking for help since I started here in July. I am trying you know? I am doing my best to serve everyone. I don't have enough volunteers to give to everyone and am trying to decipher who goes where first. I'm sorry if I put someone in the "wrong place.
As volunteer coordinator and networker extrordinare, i have had the opportunity to work with my Alma Mater, Suffolk University. Because of my work with AmeriCorps and Suffolk i have been able to form an amazing partnership which i relish in.
I was able to attend their community partners breakfast in the begining of August (which when i was a dear Suffolk girl, helped coordinate). I was able to speak up and say this is my job, please send volunteers. During that breakfast i was able to speak to Dean Stoll. She seemed pleasently surprised to see me and yet quite confused. She said she thought i had already graduated and I explained that i had 2 years ago. I spent last year doing MACC VISTA, and am now the volunteer coordinator at the BLC. She was quite please to hear of my work and very excited to have me as an alumn of Suffolk. It made both Dean Stoll and myself feel good about what we had done in the past and where we stood now.
Today was even more exciting for me. I met with a communication professor about a freshman seminar/service learning that they are holding. It is called Media Literacy.
This course explores the cultural and social functions of the media with an emphasis on learning how to critically evaluate media content. Students will examine a diversity of media texts from reality television and action films to pop music and video games. As a final project, the class will produce and edit a short documentary-style video which investigates a contemporary social issue.The social issue of choice, HIV/AIDS in the Media. Hence, Suzi to the rescue. I have spent some time thinking about this class and how both Suffolk and the BLC could benefit. We had a wonderful meeting and I plan to smatter the school with wonderful condoms. Oh i am so excited!
So i finished watching Friends this weekend. It was quite an emotional expirience, I won't lie. I guess because I could relate to these characters (more than i could with Sex and the City). In Friends, they were a group of normal people - verses SATC (I'm sorry, it is just not 100% relatable to a 23 year old volunteer coordinator!). I felt attached to the characters, so i am sad to see them go. Sure i can catch a rerun, but seriously, i watched it from episode 1 till the end. I love those folks! I am also a hopeless romantic for nerds, and I love Ross. Sigh. I am a loser.
Anyway. Friday for some reason everyone i know was having a rough day. Bonus for me, the Living Center was closed because we had an all staff trip to the Museum of Science. It was really fun. We then went to the Cambridge Side Galleria. We had some good fun just shopping around. We did go in to Brookstone where there is a delightful little machine designed to work your abs. However, it is very, how shall i say, scandalous. The OSIM® iGallop™ is the revolutionary exerciser that can help you shape and tone your tummy, hips, seat and thighs. The secret is in its zero-impact, tri-axial riding action. Your body automatically responds to its multidirectional movement, and this balancing engages certain muscle groups and may help improve coordination and posture. Its something that you ride like a horse (and that is the motion too). Its entertaining to say the least. Back to the point. So on my way back from the MOS and the CSG, i called my dear Marian and asked her if she wanted dinner and what did she want. Marian requested mac and cheese (my personal favorite). I headed in to the supermarket, right towards the Kraft. But then something stopped me. I said, I can make this myself. And guess what?
I DID! I made mac and cheese by myself. I am not going to lie, it wasn't the best thing. It was too salty. But was edible and liked by all. So go me.
Saturday we were supposed to go to the fair, but most of us were sickly, so it has been postponed. So i finished Friends. Marian and I ran a few errands on Saturday evening and then spent the night in. It was good to do nothing because i still have been feeling a little sick.
Sunday was spent in the good ol' Apple Orchard. Of course it was not my apple orchard. My Apple Orchard is Wilken's Fruit and Fir Farm in Yorktown Heights, NY. Ok, so its not really mine, but i worked hard there and loved every minute, even when i was taken over by poision ivy. We went to Honey Pot Hill Orchard which is a good orchard. We picked Gala and Cortlands and got ourselves some wonderful Cider Doughnuts. As we were in the country store, i saw some eggplants and decided to have eggplant parmigan for dinner. Thats right folks, for another night I made a real dinner! I cooked, I fried, i boiled. And it was decent. Again, things could've been done better, but it was good!
I fear that i may take after one of my cooking teachers. I have noticed in these 2 eventful moments, that if i taste the food and don't like it 100%, i don't want anyone else to eat it. I used to tell the Wentworth Boy he was silly when he did things like that, but i am starting to see where he is coming from (look how much you've taught me!!).
Today is a new day at work, full of wonderful frustration and left over eggplant parmigan! Yay!
So i am sick. Again. I really hate being sick. sneezing and coughing and blah blah blah. Its so hard being out of work and just sleeping. Seriously, its hard to do nothing. I need more friends to be sick when i am sick so i can play with them.
Make is all go away. Also, bring me soup. Please and thank you.
