I am writing this post for help.
Could you please tell me the difference between...
being in love
loving someone
Could you please tell me the difference between...
being in love
loving someone
Astrovirus
15 years ago
Thursday, December 7, 2006
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8 comments:
I am far from an expert. for me, the term "in love" means a specific type of love -- eros whereas loving someone can span all of the types of love.
The idea of loving someone reminds me of a really tough time I had at one point when someone I was "in love" with didn't return my feelings. He was also someone that I loved on other levels.
A friend told me if I truly loved him, I would love him enough to let him love me however he could. I am not sure if that makes sense to you, but it clicked for me.
For awhile we took a break and it was really hard on me but I loved him enough to want the break if that was what he needed. two years later, I love him with an agape love and cannot imagine my life without him.
I am not saying it was easy, I am not saying that's how it always ends up. He had a big part to play in how we currently care for one another. But you asked for a definition and this was my long winded attempt.
If you love something, let it go.
I've never understood the difference, and I'm quite curious. I believe that when I'm in love, I won't have to ask "am I in love?". I don't believe that I've ever been sure enough to let myself fall that far. I've loved, on a variety of levels, and I've loved one person much more than the rest... but never enough to say "I am in love with you." Now... I believe I love MQ, but not close to the level of DL, and not really the same kind of love. I'm working on defining it for my own sanity. I know that CG and I loved each other, but I don't believe a definition exists for that kind of love.
So, really, that isn't an answer, just a list of my related experiences. I believe that when I fall in love, it will be sudden, and it will catch me quite by surprise.
for me, "being in love" means being in love with the one, the only, the person without whom I was always incomplete but didn't know it. yes, I agree that it's eros vs. agape or other kinds of love, but I think it's essential that it's _completion_. I also think it just happens--maybe not necessarily love at first sight, but I think that when you're in love there comes a moment when you _know_ it with all of you--no second-guessing, and things might not always work out perfectly, but you _know_ you're in love. I think I can point to the tree by MIT on the banks of the Charles where I realized I was in love.
Here’s my take on this for what it is worth. I agree with everything that has been said, I think the real question that you are trying to find is how does being “in love” feel like and who does “love” feel like. I think we all agree that “in love” is what married couples feel for one another, and “love” is what we feel for friends and family. So what does being “in love” feel like, this is a tuff question I have sevel married friends. I think of three that are varying close to me, I’ve look at how they show “love” and how they show at they are “in love”. The thing is that the all show it differently. So in the end I think we all need to figure out what that being “in love” looks like to ourselves. I know for myself that I have not been “in love”, I have loved, lusted, and other things in that category that have nothing to do with love at all, but I have not been “in love”. I may “love” someone right now that will turn in to being “in love”. I trust that I will know it when it comes.
So I don’t know if this helps, but this is the way I see it.
The best I can do is give a couple of examples:
I am in love with TF. He is everthing to me. I also love him. On the days that I am not necessarily in love with him, I still love him. So maybe that is it. If you are in love, you can fall out of it. But if you love someone, it won't let go of you.
Another example. I love my boss...almost like he is a 2nd father to me. I am NOT 'in' love with my boss. That would be icky.
Sorry to add more here, but I just read the comments I have to disagree with Sean:
I think we all agree that “in love” is what married couples feel for one another, and “love” is what we feel for friends and family.
There are MANY times when married couples, who love each other deeply, are not 'in love' with each other. But loving your partner, is what makes those times of not being 'in love' with your partner, work. If you were only 'in love' and fell out of it for a day you wouldn't go back.
I think that one of the issues people have to face before they can be in a relationship is understanding the difference between being in love and loving someone, so it is good that you are seeking this answer. Finding the answer is even harder in this world that perpetuates the idea that being in love is the same as love. That's why people are addicted to romantic comedies...it shows the world and relationships is such a rosy glow and really sets up unrealistic expectations of what relationships are.
I say, when your in love it is because you feel loved in return. When you love someone it is you to them, and sometimes not sufficiently returned, or not returned at all.
Myrna
Because you can't be in love alone, but you can love someone without reciprocation.
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