.relief.

I recently got the opportunity to get a lot of things that have bogged me down off my chest. Patterson and I have been talking a lot and last night somehow we got on the conversation of what had gone on in the past and I said that I had always wanted to ask some questions.

I feel like the questions I asked are valid and in the long run may help me take a better look at relationships as a whole. I think some of the answers may help me in terms of my current view that I am some complete failure, that some how I have the ability to drive people I care about away.

Honestly, I am scared about some of the answers as well. Maybe, I'm not ready to hear everything, but I want to. I could be putting myself in to a really bad situation, but I am willing to give it a shot for a few reasons. The main reason for knowing these things is to no longer drag pain along with me. No longer bring fear. I bring myself, 100%.

I have no clue how I am going to feel. I don't know my reaction. I do know that I care about him very much, without knowing these things. So I feel almost certain that I will care even more after. I can't stand the thought of not being friends again. If the Wentworth boy taught me anything, it is the importance of face to face conversation. At some point, I'll journey to NY and have this lovely chat with Patterson.