a splattering of words.

I'm wondering if a soul mate always has to refer to a lover. I have been struggling lately with a case of caring for someone too much. I respect their feelings and have taken actions to move on and forget about it. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to. I feel drawn to this relationship, be it platonic or not. I feel that the person needs to be involved in my life in one form or another. What i am trying to figure out now is how to do that. Silly things come up and all i think is, "oh i wish i could call so and so". The worst part, is that it is not just one person. There have been a few throughout my life span who I have struggled with this exact issue. What am i doing that creates this confusion and strange blending.

I specifically recall Andrew writing to me once in an e-mail that he just couldn't figure out how i fit in his life. Was I a girl friend, a girlfriend, a lover, a platonic person, an aquaintance, who was I? The situation ended not so gracefully with Andrew feeling that another friend, Rae, was more of the girlfriend than i, but, to this day, i still question and wonder what we had.

It a thought i guess of a connection. Some deep connection that one only finds every so often. But what if i am not emotially ready to handle that connection in the capacity that is mutually accepted?