I can't pick a birthday present...

I have had a really fun weekend. Classes started and I'm quite excited. My professor seems to be excited about teaching and the subject of anatomy and physiology, so that's great. I do better when my professors are excited about their class. After class i ran to Park Street where I was able to witness a union of some friends. From there we went to the reception then headed home to change. We headed to Rt 1 for some fun and adventures... because yes, that's what we do. We go to Rt. 1 to have fun.

We happened to go to Kmart while there. I have been looking for a new duvet and bed set for at least a year. I have also wanted to paint my room. So Marian and I walked around looking at bed sets together. There were a few that I really liked. Despite Marian saying to pick one out for my birthday, I turned down any offer and we went on our merry way.

Today, Crimson, Marian, Sean, John and Chris met up for a brunch that supported the Greater Boston Food Bank. It was lovely. After we went shopping around the Pru. There I noticed that I was very picky about the things I was looking at and considering buying. We later headed downtown to H & M where I found the most wonderful spring coat. I loved it! And despite the price being affordable and Crimson saying she'd get if for my birthday, I said, No.

Crimson and Marian were talking about settling for things and I said, I'm very picky. I always wait because what if something better comes along... and then I had an a ha moment. I am too picky in life. I am crazy about my clothes matching and crazy about not getting something I really want because, what if I find something I love more a little later. Then It's too late, i already choose. Besides my silly idiosyncrasies, I feel as thought this is a bigger issue in my life. Especially when it comes to dating.

First off, I admit that I have been burned before and therefore am extra cautious when it comes to relationships. Yet that doesn't explain why I don't give more people chances at getting to know me or for me getting to know other people. I am shy when it comes to guys I might be interested and very awkward when it comes to guys who like me. I am always wondering, what if there is something better. What if I meet someone who I'm more attracted to?

I think i just need to get out there. Give more people a chance. Now that doesn't mean I'll change over night, but it does mean that I'll give a lot more thought. Maybe I'll buy a jacket, settle on a wall color, choose a duvet cover or maybe even pick a birthday present...

or maybe, I'll go on a date.

how close is too close?

I realized today that I really truly miss my patients. I have been moved to another section of the hospital, and starting next week, I'll be in yet another section. I eat lunch in my original placement, and hang out with some of my friends and patients. Today I noticed one of my patients looking particularly uncomfortable and ill. I spoke with his mother and just sat there with her for a bit. I realized that I wouldn't be able to take care of him any more. I wouldn't be there to bring the warm blanket, the yogurt, or bust on him about needing to take another set of vital signs. The same goes for other patients... no more conversations about Macs, or my schooling with the professors that are here. It makes me sad.

That makes me wonder, how close is too close? Have I stepped over a line to the point where I am too invested? Am i too deeply involved. I fear that this will continually be a problem. I am the type of person who wants to be involved. I want to know about the regular life stuff along with the disease-y type stuff. I want to know what music you're listening too and what your platelet level is. It's just how I am. I would share my platelet level with someone if i knew it on a regular basis (Though I am not sure how many people want to know about that).

I feel as though patients are just friends that are sick. I wouldn't scream from the roof top some personal information, but, on a personal level, i connect with these people. I have become part of their lives. I know that because of Christmas cards, e-mails, and hugs. Their lives I know, include me, and that I am important to them. So why can't or why shouldn't they be just as important to me? Why shouldn't I miss them, as they miss me when I'm not on the floor?

I fear this will be a life long struggle.

In good news though, last night I went out to see Firedrill! perform at Johnny D's in Somerville last night. First off, I'd like to point out that Johnny D's is one of my all time favor brunch places. They play jazz as you eat... can it get any better? Well, Firedrill! was great (as always). It was nice to see my friends D and Tree... (yes, i use code names for most people... you need to figure them out!). We definitely enjoyed ourselves and it just solidified the following: i need to get out more, i need to hangout with my friends more and i need a life. excellent.

Donate Blood and Platelets - I did today!

The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute (DFCI) Kraft Family Blood Donor Center and the Brigham and Women's Hospital's (BWH) Blood Donor Center are members of the Joint Program in Transfusion Medicine (JPTM). Together these centers provide essential blood products to patients cared for in both institutions. The Kraft Center collects platelets; the BWH Donor Center collects whole blood and red cells. The program's research and quality standards ensure the safety of the more than 60,000 transfusions performed annually at their patient care facilities.

Transfusions of blood and platelets are critical to helping patients return to health. There is no substitute for volunteer donors; patients count on people like you to help.Blood is made of four components: platelets, plasma, red blood cells and white blood cells. The platelet component is necessary to control bleeding. Patients undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatments, for example, are unable to produce enough platelets. Without platelet transfusion, life-threatening hemorrhages could result.

Plan to spend about two hours at the donor center. When you arrive, you will complete a confidential screening about your medical and travel history. Platelets are collected by a procedure called apheresis (a-far-EE-sis). During this process, a machine collecting blood from one arm separates your platelets from the other blood components, which are returned to you. The donation takes about 90 minutes during which time you can enjoy a variety of entertainment from our multimedia library on a personal TV screen, read about monthly happenings in the center's newsletter, or simply sit back and relax.

Safety is our priority; all materials used are new for each donor and then discarded. After the donation, you will be asked to remain in the donor center for a brief period of rest, during which time we invite you to relax and enjoy some refreshments.

Eligibility
You are eligible to donate platelets every two weeks (up to 24 times a year), if you:
are at least 17 years old; weigh at least 110 pounds; are in good health; are free of aspirin or products containing aspirin (e.g., ibuprofen, Advil, naproxen, Motrin, and Aleve) for 36 hours beforehand; and are free of antibiotics and dental cleaning for 48 hours beforehand.

You will be unable to donate if:
you have had a tattoo or piercing within the last 12 months; you are pregnant, or are trying to become pregnant; or you have traveled to a malarial risk country. There are other travel, medical conditions, and medications that may make you ineligible to donate. Please feel free to contact the donor center with any questions you have about your eligibility.

Appointments
You can make an appointment to donate platelets during the hours listed below for the Kraft Center.

For first time donors:
Monday-Thursday, 8 a.m.-4 p.m.Friday, 8 a.m.-12 p.m.Saturday, 7:30 a.m.-12 p.m.

Regular hours:
Monday-Thursday, 7 a.m.-6 p.m.Friday, 7 a.m.-12:30 p.m.Saturday, 7:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

To schedule an appointment or for more information, please call (617) 632-3206, or e-mail us at joseph_powell@dfci.harvard.edu.

health AND dental insurance?!

So, i was offered a full time, benefits full, vacation time and sick time, position at my place of employment. I am very excited about it. The only really sad part is that it is in a new unit. I really love my patients. A lot. And I am sure I'll love these patients just as much, but it really bums me out to be missing out on their lives. I ran in to a few of them on my way down from my interview and it seemed as though they were almost going to cry when I told them that I going to be moving. I have become so involved in their lives, but I guess this is part of life. Getting new jobs, meeting new people, moving on.

Of course, I'll be catching up on my favorites, and try to work on the other floor when I can. I believe I can scramble down there some days when I am off for some extra cash (which will be quite nice).

Tonight I believe will be a quiet night, and most likely a quiet weekend. It will be good. However, if you want to make it exciting give me a call and we'll do something.

Have a great weekend readers.

my birthday is just around the corner...

This was my list last year. I have to say... my friends did really well... I will highlight things that are still missing. And of course, within the next month (that's right, only a month left!!) I'll add more things. YAY for birthdays!

1. Until There's a Cure - Silver AIDS bracelet - available at Body Shop.
2. John Corbett CD- available at Borders.
3. Sharpie Accent Retractable Highlighters - various colors - available at Staples.
4. Queen Sized Duvet - down alternative - white - available at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
5. Queen Sized Duvet Cover - white - available at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
6. Amazing Wall Hanging Fish Tank - available only at target.com.
7. Fish for the fish tank - beta - a petstore.
8. Timbuk2 Cargo Tote- medium/black - timbuk2.com/backcountry.com/city sports.
9. Gift Certificates to Gap, Old Navy, Target (any where i can get new clothes!!).
10. One way ticket to NOLA.
11. Elsa Peretti Cross necklace, small. Sterling silver, on 16" chain - available at Tiffany's.
12. Black Mac Book, 13", 160 GB Serial ATA drive, etc... - available at Apple.com or the store.
13. New furniture at Ikea - available at ikea.com.
14. A freezer for Sarah - available at walmart.com or the store.
15. Books - available at Borders or Barnes and Noble or Brookline Booksmith.
16. Salon Gift Certificate to get my hair cut - available at a salon.
17. GRE study book - available at Borders or Barnes and Noble or Brookline Booksmith.
18. a bible, small, NIV - available at Borders or Barnes and Noble or Brookline Booksmith.
19. A snowboarding trip for a day (rental and lift tix included) - available at a mountain.
20. A new body pillow.
21. 8 candle votives (i get wax every where).
22. a winter jacked (ski/snowboardesque). Despite my denying my need for it... i need it...

Can you tell that I am a tad bored at work? Well kids, get shopping. :)

Running, running, running...

I have been going to the gym almost every day for the past 2 weeks. While I realize that 2 weeks really isn't a lot of time, I feel as though I haven't accomplished much at all. My weight hasn't changed all that much, just a few pounds (well... depending on which scale I use it can vary from a loss of 3 to 8 pounds). I feel as though my clothes are still too tight (there is a possibility that I have shrunk them all. I am not so great at laundry. This past load I turned all white things in to a pale blue/gray). Sigh.

My usual routine is to run/elliptical for about 30 minutes. Today I did that for 45 minutes because, well let's be honest, I ate a disgusting amount of rice krispy squares last night. Then on some days, I do arm strength training, and on the other days, I do leg strength training. I am trying to also get in about 50 crunches a day. That usually doesn't get done so much. But, I wouldn't think I NEED the crunches so much when I am doing the other stuff...

I have stayed OP (on-plan for all you non ww (weight watchers) people) this week. Which is clearly a good thing. Again, i haven't seen results of that either. Maybe i am doing something wrong, I am just not sure what. I am doing my best to eat at least 4 fruits and veggies a day... Maybe I need to work on what my points are being used towards. That could be a good goal. What is sad is the more healthy my food gets, the more expensive and time consuming it is.

Alright kids. I have 7 hours and 1o minutes left in this joint. It's possible I'll be back on after lunch for an update on the day.

Update:
So in other news...

I have been working at this health care facility since September as a per diem clinical assistant. That means, i am paid per hour and I have no benefits. That also means that technically, I can lose my job at any time because I may not be needed any more. (Anyone sense some foreshadowing?).

Yesterday my supervisor pulled me in to the office to let me know that after I am trained at this new section, I may not have a space when I get back. This shocked me, of course. Job security was something I never worried about. There was always something for me to do.

Well, not so much anymore. But, I am taking the higher ground. I have applied to full time positions and have an interview tomorrow. Hopefully all will go well.

The thing that bothers me is change. I don't want to meet new staff, new patients, new this and new that. I wish I could stick to what I know. But I guess that's how it goes. Always have to be on your guard and be prepared to change if needed. So yeah.

Biggest Loser, what?!

So, my office (well mainly Maz and myself) decided that we should do the Biggest Loser, Office Style. The word got out, and a TON of staff are excited and involved. Starting next Tuesday, we will be weighing in every week (yay accountability!). We pay $6, $1 will go to the weekly winner and the other $5 will go to the large pot to the over-all winner. It's quite exciting. It's also really great because it will encourage everyone to really get involved and be on top of it. When you try to do things on your own, generally it is harder... with the entire staff by my side, I can't fail. I hope I don't fail... seriously.

In other news I am being trained in a new section of the hospital. It is slow and boring. Send me emails and love. I should only be here for 2 weeks, but today has gone by SOO SLOWLY... oy. I like fast pacedness.

School applications are going out soon (again). Classes start up at the end of January. I need to finish my stats class (i hate that class, p.s.).

the life of a suzi. never dull.

borrowed from Marian....

Could it be holiday tradition??

B.Good is having their eggnog shake special again this year!!!!!!!!! The ENTIRE price of the eggnog shake is being donated to Starlight, the outreach team I support by cooking every Wednesday. If you're in the Boston area today (sadly it's only one day) Please, Please go out and get one -- there are lots of locations around the city. If you can't make it, pass the information around to other people in Boston you know who love eggnog and helping those less fortunate (and really, shouldn't that be everyone?).

I feel like I should put random tag lines here so even the people searching for porn happen upon this site and hear about the eggnog benefit (because really, wouldn't that be a better use of their time and money?).

Snow storm updates

at 1pm

at 1:30 pm

at 2 pm

at 3pm

at 10 pm

at 10 am


we've got about 12 inches of snow. We also couldn't find out real snow shovel, so i used the type of shovel that you would dig a hole with. It was quite wonderful.

so yeah....

So in reality, i have a gram negative, very strong pneumonia. I have been out of work for the past week and will be out again for this while week. BUMMER for me. I have been on three different antibiotics, and hopefully this last one will actually work. I have been exhausted, it's frightening how actually exhausted I am.

Bonus for me however. I thought I was well enough to go to work on Monday. I went in at 10. I was hot packing a patient (putting hot, wet towels on their arm to get the veins out). I heard a PR rep having the other patients sign release forms because the RED SOX WERE COMING IN!!!!!!
Yes! I got to meet Snyder and Tavares and Larry (the owner)... and touch the World Series Trophy!!!!! Sadly, i came down with a fever of 101, so i went home.

I'm also taking incompletes in all my classes. It's a big bummer. I feel as though any path that i pretended to have has been completely wiped away. I think I am being taught a lesson. I need to rely more on God's plans then my plans. I haven't listened to His will in a really long time.. and I think that's important. So, that's another thing i am working on right now. Good thing i have some quality me time to do that.

just another to add to the list...

Streptococcus pneumoniae

Hello, I'm S. pneumoniae.
I'm a Gram Positive coccus.
Sometimes I'm known as the 'pneumococcus'.
I'm found in some people's airways.

I have a capsule coating that means I can be grouped into 80 'serotypes'.

I am the most common cause of pneumonia in healthy people, although I also get into smokers and the elderly.
I'm also cause lots of bacterial meningitis.

Snow, Snow, Snow!

Although I am feeling not so great right now, the snow that fell yesterday put me in a slightly better mood. I feel the need to share, as i do every year, my favorite snow song!

Here comes Suzy Snowflake,
Dressed in a snow-white gown,
Tap, tap, tappin' at your windowpane
To tell you she's in town.

Here comes Suzy Snowflake;
Soon you will hear her say,
"Come out ev'ryone and play with me;
I haven't long to stay. If you want to make a snowman,
I'll help you make one, two, three.
If you wanna take a sleigh ride,
The ride's on me."

Here comes Suzy Snowflake;
Look at her tumblin' down,
Bringing joy to ev'ry girl and boy;
Suzy's come to town.

darker...

its beginning to get darker. not just on earth... but me too. i need some sun before i sink into a hole.

i need an outlet...

so i started working for a health care facility that has a lot patients who don't make it. it's hard for family, friends, doctors, nurses, and yes, even us clinical assistants.

recently, a lot of our beloved patients have passed away. i am a people person. i am a get to know you and your family and love you person. i hug. i cry and i hurt. and right now, i am hurting. i am hurting because i do not know how to deal with the pain. i don't know how to handle another soul leaving this earth, never to light up their families lives, never to play with grandchildren, teach anyone any more, all the things we take for granted.

at first, i took to crying and eating chicken nuggets at McDonald's. then i took to pretending that i had a thick skin. i wasn't upset, nope, not me. then, i took my pain to j.p. licks. i cried while ordering my oreo cake batter. the poor ice cream dude took pity on me, and the ice cream was on the house. today however, i don't want ice cream, i don't want McDonald's, i don't want to pretend it doesn't exist - i want closure and to move on.

i don't know how though. and it sucks... looks like j.p. licks or McDonald's will comfort me tonight.

yes, i am alive...

it is true that i have sadly neglected you blog... but it is not because i don't love you blog... it's because my life has become a whirlwind and have had no time to really sit and write.

i hate today off due to the emergence of an awful migraine and decided to atleast update.

I have started a new job at a local health care facility. I am a clinical assistant and love every minute of it. I work with amazing people... the nurses and patients alike are some of the most amazing and smart people i have ever met. It's great.

I am also taking three classes which i thought i could handle, but it turns out that i can't. Microbiology, Anatomy & Physiology and Statistics - oy! I am doing alright, but not the best... i could definitely do better... so we'll see.

so yeah. busy me. i'll get back into the blogging when my life slows down a bit.