how close is too close?

I realized today that I really truly miss my patients. I have been moved to another section of the hospital, and starting next week, I'll be in yet another section. I eat lunch in my original placement, and hang out with some of my friends and patients. Today I noticed one of my patients looking particularly uncomfortable and ill. I spoke with his mother and just sat there with her for a bit. I realized that I wouldn't be able to take care of him any more. I wouldn't be there to bring the warm blanket, the yogurt, or bust on him about needing to take another set of vital signs. The same goes for other patients... no more conversations about Macs, or my schooling with the professors that are here. It makes me sad.

That makes me wonder, how close is too close? Have I stepped over a line to the point where I am too invested? Am i too deeply involved. I fear that this will continually be a problem. I am the type of person who wants to be involved. I want to know about the regular life stuff along with the disease-y type stuff. I want to know what music you're listening too and what your platelet level is. It's just how I am. I would share my platelet level with someone if i knew it on a regular basis (Though I am not sure how many people want to know about that).

I feel as though patients are just friends that are sick. I wouldn't scream from the roof top some personal information, but, on a personal level, i connect with these people. I have become part of their lives. I know that because of Christmas cards, e-mails, and hugs. Their lives I know, include me, and that I am important to them. So why can't or why shouldn't they be just as important to me? Why shouldn't I miss them, as they miss me when I'm not on the floor?

I fear this will be a life long struggle.

In good news though, last night I went out to see Firedrill! perform at Johnny D's in Somerville last night. First off, I'd like to point out that Johnny D's is one of my all time favor brunch places. They play jazz as you eat... can it get any better? Well, Firedrill! was great (as always). It was nice to see my friends D and Tree... (yes, i use code names for most people... you need to figure them out!). We definitely enjoyed ourselves and it just solidified the following: i need to get out more, i need to hangout with my friends more and i need a life. excellent.