i need an outlet...

so i started working for a health care facility that has a lot patients who don't make it. it's hard for family, friends, doctors, nurses, and yes, even us clinical assistants.

recently, a lot of our beloved patients have passed away. i am a people person. i am a get to know you and your family and love you person. i hug. i cry and i hurt. and right now, i am hurting. i am hurting because i do not know how to deal with the pain. i don't know how to handle another soul leaving this earth, never to light up their families lives, never to play with grandchildren, teach anyone any more, all the things we take for granted.

at first, i took to crying and eating chicken nuggets at McDonald's. then i took to pretending that i had a thick skin. i wasn't upset, nope, not me. then, i took my pain to j.p. licks. i cried while ordering my oreo cake batter. the poor ice cream dude took pity on me, and the ice cream was on the house. today however, i don't want ice cream, i don't want McDonald's, i don't want to pretend it doesn't exist - i want closure and to move on.

i don't know how though. and it sucks... looks like j.p. licks or McDonald's will comfort me tonight.