Regret is an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way. In this regard, the concept of regret is subordinate to guilt in terms of its "emotional power." By comparison, shame typically refers to the social (rather than personal) aspect of guilt or (in minor context) regret as imposed by the society or culture (enforcement of ethics, morality), which has substantial bearing in matters of (personal and social) honor.
Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed, but also, importantly, regret of inaction. Many people find themselves wishing that they had done something in a past situation.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regret_(emotion)
I heart wikipedia. This was one of the greatest definitions i have been able to find.
I have been recently been digging through my mind and its cozy little nooks, and pulling things out that I have given second guesses to. A majority of things have slipped under the radar as merely "mistakes of my youth". I haven't deemed them bad enough to actually attach an emotion to them.
However, one such action/event/occurrence (and yes, the offense repeats as well) struck me, as it has never before. I can't disclose all the gory details, partly, because I am still working through this, and partly because it can affect others. I am not sure if its my new found sense of self, that I look at myself differently, or if its due to merely a mix of hormones, but I have begun to regret my past.
I am not completely sure what sparked this new notion. I recognize this new found feeling as dealing with some thing on a direct violation of my initial true desires in life. Perhaps that is why I was thinking about it. I believe I was thinking about my life's hopes and dreams, and how a large part of them have crashed before me, starting with this one particular falling.
When I was younger I was convinced of this:
That I would have met my loved one in college. We would've gotten married by the time I was 24 and he would've been my only one. By the time I was 26 I would've landed a phenomenal anchor position or at least a producer, while my husband was either a teacher or a youth minister and we had a fabulous church life. If i chose to go back to grad school, that would've been fine, but not necessarily the top priority in my life, which would've been starting a family. By the time I was 30 I'd have at least 2 children, and one of them out of diapers.
HA! That is completely wrong! I am not any of those things or in any position to have any of those things. And honestly, that makes me slightly sad. It does make me wonder where things fell.
I am starting to recognize my actions as more than just things that I do. They have consequences, results. They affect other people at times as well. Sure if I eat my bag of carrots for lunch or choose to get chocolate from the vending machine that might not necessarily have an affect on someone, however, what I do behind closed doors does (yes, I'm getting a little risque here). Perhaps my new self is recognizing my spirit a little more and I am worried about how my actions will affect my future (here on earth and above - hopefully above, i would not want to be below).
I am learning that although regret is a valid emotion, it is empty. There is not much you can actually do about the regret you face. It's over and done, and really you can't go back. But what I can do, is go forward. I can change things as I continue my journey in life. I can stick to my guns and not let someone sweet talk me in to mischief. You know who you are, no more mischief!!
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