Fineaus, the fish, is no more. He lived a long month in the bowl on the wall but departed us. It is believed it was a long, difficult death and that he passed on Friday. He is survived by his roommates; Hippie, Marian and Ali. Services will not be held, but donations made be made out to Suzi.
If you've been following the blog, you know that I just got back from New York City. On Friday, March 16th, i wound up in the hospital, and i didn't want to make a huge blog even longer.
Friday morning, i left darling room 807 (to be blogged about later) and the wentworth boy and headed to Grand Central to get on the train to Flushing Queens. I never grabbed breakfast, but had an apple and figured i'd eat it on the way or grab something when we got back in to the city. The weather was disgusting. That sleet and "wintery mix" did not make for fun walking. I got on the train and headed out to Queens to meet up with friends and drop off my suitcase. The stop was at the end of the line. I walked out of the station and i thought for a moment that i had gotten out at the wrong place because it looked so much like Chinatown. I found the car, dropped off the suit case and we were on our way. Of course we stopped for a bubble tea and this doughy-dumpling-esque thing, then got on the train.
Marian and i headed to the St. John's Insurance Library. The walk was disgusting. Major puddles and sleet hitting you in the face like rocks. Thankfully i was wearing my golashes, poor Marian was not. We left the library around 12 or so and headed towards Mid-town for lunch. We exited at 34th, right next to the Gap. As we walked up the stairs, the woman infront of me hit me with her umbrella and i smacked my knee on the steel step. It hurt like nothing i've felt before. I got my bearings, and began to walk. I turned to Marian and said, wow, this pain makes me nauseous and dizzy.
Then i syncopated. I fainted, right there in Times Square. Marian had to hold me. I don't remember much of this, most i know from what was told to me. A few folks here and there helped and then traffic cops, then NYPD and then the ambulance was called and there were EMTs. I remember the traffic cops wore orange and were friendly and kind. The NYPD guys were rough and kept asking if i did drugs and that they wouldn't yell if i did do them, they just needed to know and the EMT guys were excellent. It was eventually decided i would go to the hospital, not because i fainted, but because my knee could be severely injured.
The ambulance took the 4 of us to the hospital. Robert was able to turn on the heat because my clothes were soaked to the bone. We're talking, down to my underwear, soaking wet. It was Robert's highlight. On the way, the EMT noted that my heart rate was irregular and my blood pressure was low. I was put in the pediatric ER (for ages newborn to 25). I was given a johnny and told to leave it open in front for an ekg and given 3 blankets. They took my vitals, a glucose test and did an ekg. It all showed showed low blood pressure, low blood sugar and that yes, an irregular heartbeat. A CT scan was then ordered. When i finally saw my doctor (oh that's right, i had only seen a nurse up to now) we talked about the topomax (my new migraine medication) and my knee (finally took care of that, and ordered an x-ray).
I was taken to radiology for the x ray and then left in the hall for about 45 minutes then brought to CT Scan and left again in the hallway for about 30 minutes. When in the hall, i was put in front of the Department of Corrections. That wasn't the only experience with behaviorally challenged folks however. I was then returned to the ER. Once there, i was witness to a 10 year old who was having a breakdown, and had to be held down and sedated. He then had a cop assigned to him. Every 10 minutes or so another cop would come in, scream out a name and cuff someone to the bed.
Around 5pm i was "released" and i called Marian to come and meet me. I was told that the topomax dropped my blood pressure. When i hit my knee, my already low pressure, dropped even further causing what the body calls a positive reaction (things like insulin are a negative reaction). My CT scan however, was not so good. It had evidence of an empty sella. Empty sella syndrome is a condition in which the bones (sella turcica) that surround part of the pituitary gland shrink or become flattened. For more information go here. This is not life threatening, however, i need to seek out my doctor here in Boston for what to do from here. (Who i've been calling all day and doesn't seem concerned).
Continuing on, my doctor was insistent that i didn't go any where in wet clothes. So he called social work to get me clothes. In the mean time, Marian was on her way, or rather was trying to get to me. It took 2 hours for her to get from Midtown to Belleview, which isn't too far, i mean its not close, but, with the weather it took everyone 2 hours to get there. Thankfully, everyone arrived, with clean and dry clothes. And i left that damn hospital.
Then we ate mac and cheese.
I have just returned from a wonderful adventure in NYC. It has entailed a lot and so i am going to attempted to go by both subject and day. I encourage your comments and questions.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007.
Since i have no job, i clearly have a lot of free time on my hands. I was chatting with the wentworth boy about the free time. He asked me what i was up to and asked me if wanted to join him in NYC while he was at a conference for a few days. I was going down to NYC on Thursday night, so i jumped at the chance to not only go down to NYC a few days early, but to spend some time with the wentworth boy who I hadn't seen in a while. I then bought a ticket on Amtrak for the 137 train at 1:45 pm train leaving from Back Bay to Penn Station. I was quite excited.
I went out for drinks with Eddie from Ohio at the Joshua Tree, and for the second night he got me a bit tipsy. Thankfully, i didn't leave Patterson a stupid message like i had done the previous night. I need to be banned from Sam Adams and MySpace. At least i have stopped leaving "retorts", right?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007.
Marian and i chatted most of the morning and I had to repack about 3 times because weather.com told me that the weather was ever changing and i needed completely different clothes for the trip. I finally was prepared to leave and i did. I got to Back Bay and the wentworth boy greeted me.
It was so nice to see him again. I really have missed him. I am proud to say that after all that last year I really have moved on and see him as one of great guys who i am deeply thankful to have in my life. He treats me like every girl who should be treated by a guy. Anyways the wentworth boy told me that Amtrak's ticketing was down and there was a bit of drama. As goes with me, drama, always follows. When i reserved my ticket, they never charged it, so it was just a reservation. When we tried to charge it, the credit card was denied and the zip code confirmation was wrong. I called Amtrak, then Bank of America, then Amtrak, then Bank of America - then the wentworth boy came to the rescue. Bought my ticket and we were on our way to NYC with 14 students in tow.
The train ride was quite pleasant. The wentworth boy brought movies, and we watched those (even though, they weren't the greatest. The Illusionist did not intrigue me, until the wentworth boy fast forwarded to the last 10 minutes and then it looked quite entertaining. Elizabethtown is one of my favorites, however, most of the movie is slow paced. It isn't until the end of the movie that it really gets exciting and quite cute. Once i've seen the end, i forget how much I dislike the beginning!). We arrived in NYC around 6 and headed out of Penn Station. We had to go from Penn Station which is at 34th between 7 and 8th to the Bedford Hotel which is at 118th and 40th. One of the wentworth boy's students knew his way around, so he navigated through the Metro and got us to the hotel. The wentworth boy and i checked in to room 807 (Remember This!). We had all looked at the pictures on the website. The hotel looked nice enough, the rooms were pretty and all.
We settled in and then all met up to register at the conference and get some dinner because we were famished. Unfortunately, registration was closed, which made no sense because it was 7:15pm and registration closed at 7:30pm. We headed to Times Square and ate at the TGI Friday's. It was 4 stories and not the greatest looking restaurant ever. The wentworth boy and I ate on the second floor and the rest of the students were on the 1st, 3rd and 4th. We got a cobb salad and a bacon cheesey burger thing, to drink: water, sangria and a Sam Adams. The salad and the burger came out within about 15 minutes, the drinks however, came when we had finished eating. Also, the salad was about 15 dollars, the burger, about 18. WHAT! Seriously folks... We paid and then headed back to the hotel for some R & R. I will be writing another blog on room 807. Yes, room 807 deserves its own entry.
Thursday, March 15, 2007.
The wentworth boy had his chaperonly duties to take care of, so most of the morning was taking care of that. Around noon, we grabbed lunch at a great pizza place downtown. It was cheese and white pizza and it was AMAZING. We then headed from Times Square to 5th Ave, past Rockefeller Center, Saks, FAO Schwartz, the Mac Store and Central Park. The wentworth boy had never been to NYC and despite asking what he wanted to see, there were not real answers other than pizza and a hot dog. So... i figured i show him around by telling him we'd end up in central park and he could eat a hot dog, so the walking was to get an end result of a hot dog. It started to rain after FAO Schwartz and so we headed back to the Hotel. On the way, we got a hot dog and a pretzel. Back in room 807, I took a nap, the wentworth boy watched one of his shows. Then we headed out to dinner with some of his students at the Hard Rock Cafe. I was much cheaper then Friday's. Then back to room 807.
Friday, March 16, 2007.
I left room 807 by 9:15am to get to Flushing to drop my bag off and then head back in to the City with Marian and friends. I didn't grab breakfast, but we bought biscuits on the side of the street and ate them on the train in. Once we got to the city, Marian and I went to the St. John's Insurance Library. Marian says they have a lot of the information that her library does not. So we went on a tour. We then headed back in to the city to meet up with our other friends. Marian and i got off the train at 54th and Broadway and a bit of adventure began. I wound up hitting my knee on the stairs and then passing out and going to Belleview Hospital. I will be writing a separate blog about this as well as room 807.
After being released we went to S'mac for dinner because i hadn't really gotten much to eat. We ordered 5 different mac and cheeses and they were delightful!!! We then trudged through the terrible sleet and snow and awfulness only to get in a cab anyways to Rice to Riches, one my new favorite places. I had cheesecake and raspberry rice pudding. After our yummyness, we headed home for the night, where i slept in a bed that was not in room 807.
Saturday, March 17, 2007.
Saturday was centered on relaxing. Dim Sum in Queens for breakfast/lunch - It was amazing minus the shrimp i ate and had to get some benedryll. Also we past about 10 McDonald's on the way to the restaurant, at which i reminded everyone that McDonald's had shamrock shakes. It was St. Patrick's Day after all. After Dim Sum we had cotton candy and went to the Korean Super Market. We came home to play the bowl game and watch a movie where i believe most of us napped. Dinner was amazing fried chicken and salad. We watched a little tv and then crashed.
Sunday, March 18, 2007.
This morning, we had crepes for breakfast and then headed out! First stop was for emponanda's and boy were they amazing (if you haven't guessed, not only am i on sabbatical from work, but from weight watchers!!). We drove for a while, then stopped to gas up and tried to get a Shamrock Shake at McDonald's. I had already been told on Saturday that NY doesn't have them anymore, so we though CT might be different. No luck. We drove on, i began to feel a little ill. Fell asleep and woke up to a discussion about Shamrock Shakes. There was some research done on the Internet phone about others who also seek out the delicious green wonders. I suggest googling "shamrock shakes" to learn more or check out our favorite site here. We took exit 67 on 84 and behold, found a McDonald's with the beautiful green shakes. I was a happy camper. We arrived home, complete with full stomachs and smiles on our faces.
Look forward to more blogs on the hospital and room 807.
Something to convince me
To renew hope!
A new day,
Bright enough
To help me find my way!
-jekyll/hyde the musical.
Its been almost a week since i have felt the security of a job. Thankfully a few things financially have fallen in to place and i will be ok for a bit. I have spent the days relaxing a bit, and eating ice cream. My roommate Marian likes to refer to it as my sabbatical. I'm ok with that. I have plans to do a lot more studying and focusing on life as it is.
I received an email from Community Servings. I applied for their volunteer recruiter position on Tuesday before i really sat down and thought about it. I love CS and would love to be part of their organization. But i am having severe reservations about the possibility of making a commitment to an organization only to leave them for nursing. Nursing is what i want to do, i want to focus on that. So maybe that means what i was thinking. Temping and becoming an EMT? Or from friends, thinking about working at hospitals, and then try to get them to pay for nursing school. It seems to make more sense to do those things then to say to CS, yes, I'll be your employee, and fall in love all over again and only break my heart and yours when i leave.
Most importantly, i am scared that perhaps the reason i am jobless, is because i really do suck at my job. I never thought it possible. I always thought of myself as hardworking, and determined. I was dedicated and passionate. Yes, i am young, and not exactly the most professionally trained person, but doesn't that mean room for growth and molding? I ask questions, and that is not a bad attribute is it? The thing that hurts the most is how much this situation has shattered my foundation. It has taken what i believe to be true, that i am a good employee, a hard worker, that i am smart, and creative, and deserving, and it has crumpled all of that up and tossed them. I am not trying desperately to find each of these, and more, and smooth them out and display them for someone else. But can i do it? Do i want to do it?
I've been thinking that this is just what i needed though to shake me to the core and get me to figure out exactly what i want in life and to focus maybe a little bit more on me, which is certainly something i don't do very often. Why must life be so difficult? Can't we go back to the days when the worst thing that happened was that Sally didn't pick you to be on her dodge ball team??
So. I want to first off say thank you to everyone for asking what they could do and offering words of support. It is much appreciated. Almost as appreciated as the gallon of wine someone got me for my birthday. It was almost as if we were planning for destruction.
It had been known that my boss and I have been having difficulties. However, she has been known to have problems with most persons at work and most of us just vent and get it over with. I thought for me, that was the same.
Tuesday I walked in after being out all Monday because of a doctor’s appointment. I just started new medication and had just finished explained to my boss that the medication made me feel quite disoriented and I was unable to tell what color the sky was. It was almost like on cue that she started asking questions at rapid speed and I never had answers for them. Finally she got to a project and said, “oh that doesn’t matter any more, I gave that project to so-and-so because you obviously aren’t going to get it done.” And that is when it started. I asked her if she had any faith in my abilities what so ever, and without any pause or hesitation she said no. I said that is a big problem and she said yes, it is. And I then said, ok, so then what are our next steps to correct this so we can get on the same page, and she says, “you either give 2 or 4 weeks notice, that’s all there is left.”
The rest of the day, I holed up in my office and did research in my office. I emailed people spoke to my roommate and decided not to write a resignation letter. I was proud of my job and myself and I didn’t want to leave. I wrote an email to my executive director expressing that and she was incredibly apologetic that things have gone down as they had and perhaps “it was best for everyone”.
Wednesday I came I without a written letter and was approached to write a letter when I expressed that I wasn’t going to resign and asked why not, I expressed my stand on how proud I was of my work and what I had done. I told my boss how much I loved my volunteers and the staff here and I wasn’t about to leave all that. She then responded saying that I “better expect them to contest any unemployment claim” and I responded with asking them to consider unemployment because this came so unexpectedly and without any warning. I may have some money in savings, but nowhere near enough and it will be hard to find a job. So if you’re going to take a job that I love away, at least make it easier when I go home.
It was decided that I would be resigned forcefully, but not technically fired, but that I would be able to collect unemployment. The conditions were that I would need to leave immediately. So, that was Wednesday.
Yesterday, I called unemployment and I have to wait to apply so that will come. Right now I am just coming to terms with things. I have applied for a job and obviously waiting to hear about that. I am trying to figure out if a full time job is the smartest idea. Perhaps I will look for jobs at hospitals that will pay for nursing schools or EMT programs and part time jobs. Not totally sure yet.
Right now I am just looking for support from friends because I am in shock. I have never been told that I am a bad employee. I have always been the good girl, the hard worker, the over achiever, so this whole experience has been just mind-boggling. So thank you for all being you.
last night, as always, the crew and i went to UNO's for a beer and conversation. I started to feel my headache coming on stronger, and after sitting under the light that was made to feel like i was part of an investigation, i moved to another chair and curled myself in to it. The walk home i felt like crap. I was colder than normal and really was in pain. We got to the house, and as soon as i stepped inside, the most serious dizzy spell i've ever had just knocked in to me. I wasn't sure if i should move, or stand, or what. I finally sat down and Marian was wonderful trying to take care of me. Marian asked if i wanted to go to the hospital and i started crying because i just didn't know what to do, i was scared and tired and in pain and a wreck obviously. Eventually i changed in to pjs and got in to bed where Marian decided officially it had to be a migraine, and that i wasn't allowed to do anything today until i saw the doctor. Thank God for that girl.
I have an appointment at 11 this morning and we'll see how that goes. Hopefully well. I have no clue. I just want this all to be over.
