4 years later....

Do you know what it means to miss new orleans

And miss it each night and

day

I know Im not wrong... this feelings gettin stronger

The longer, I stay away

Miss them moss covered vines...the tall sugar pines

Where mockin birds used t

o sing

And Id like to see that lazy mississippi...hurryin into spring

The moonlight on the ba

you.......a creole tune.... that fills the air

I dream... about magnolias in bloom......and Im wishin I was there

Do you know what it means

to miss new orleans

When thats where you left your heart

And theres one thing more...i miss the one I care for

More than I miss new

orleans

The moonlight on the bayou.......a creole tune.... that fills the air

I dream... about magnolias in bloom......and Im wishin I wa

s there

Do you know what it means to miss new orleans

When thats where you left your heart

And theres one thing more...i miss the one I care for

More.....more than I miss.......new orleans

Update!

I have found an apartment and awesome new roommate. I am very very excited about this!

Now on to the next few dilemmas.

1. Moving my stuff into the truck. Anyone around Monday, Sept 7th, that can give me a hand? I don't really feel like my stuff is that bad... but i could be lying for all i know.

2. the Actual move. Is anyone around Sept 8th that wants to take a trip down to DC? I am not totally sure how you would get home, but hey... you get to spend about 10 hours with me, that would be fun?

3. Can anyone find a good website that actually tells you how much tolls will cost??

Thanks everyone. I am excited to start this new venture, but sad to miss you all!!

I get by with a little help from my friends....

Hello Friends...

I need some help, and this seems to be one of the best ways

I can reach a bunch of people at one time.

I was offered a position at Georgetown University Hospital to work in

the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and I am very excited.

HOWEVER, that means leaving the most amazing apartment I have ever had...

So, i need some help!

Anyone know anyone who may have a place in the DC/Northern Virginia area

that wants lovable Suzi to be their roommate?

If you do, i beg of you to try and connect me!

This needs to happen sooner than later! By Sept 11th!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Happy 4th of July (a little early!)

yay!!!!!!!!

Today is Day 1 of Dave Matthews Palooza!!! Let's just hope it stops raining!

It is what it is...

I have been using that phrase a lot. I thought it summed up my life. It is what it is. I have a crummy background. My family sucks. I am struggling to stay afloat. I am tired with myself and the life I am leading. I am frustrated by my recent stint with trying to get in to nursing school, finally being accepted and then not being able to find the money for it... and through it all, i kept saying, it is what it is...

And i never thought much about it. Until today. A friend who is going through a difficult situation said that she never liked that phrase. She felt like it always left out the emotional side of things. That people say it because its an easy thing to say and then they don't deal with much else...

Know what... she's right. I haven't really cried much about not being able to go to nursing school. I have been bummed about it, but haven't cried. But today, i have talked to a ton of people asking me when I am going. It crushes me to tell them over and over, I'm not.

So, now, I am crying. For everything that has gone wrong. For all the struggling. For all the fighting. I am tired, and I am sad. And, I have accepted today, that its ok for me to be sad. This was something really important to me, and now, I've lost it. I've lost my drive to be someone i dreamed of being. Maybe I'll find it again. Maybe I'll find a new dream.

But for now. I'm sad, but that's ok... because it is what it is.

defeated...

broken. done. numb. defeated.

that's how i feel right now. i am struggling with the idea that i am here verses some deep dark depths of hell, which may actually be where i am right now.

i've tried so hard to over come obstacles. look what i have accomplished without anyone. and i used to be so proud of that. but now i am so mad. i am so mad that i had to make choices that have put me in the dilemma i am in now. i am so frustrated that when i finally realize my calling, where I belong, i can't do it because i didn't want to be treated by him that way. i didn't want to live with him, or be his daughter because i hated him. i wanted to be on my own to prove i could do it, and now, i face the harsh reality.... i can't.

finally, after years, i have made it into nursing school. after all the rejection letters, one acceptance letter meant more to me then anything. but what's the use when i can't go. i can't afford it.

my financial aid package came today. i apparently earn too much money, so i only got 12000. now, i recognize that i should be happy with getting anything. but its not even close to being enough, not even close. so, i applied for a loan. and was denied. not just denied i need a cosigner denied. i was told tonight that there would be no way that any company or bank would sign a loan over to me even with a cosigner. my credit is so low and the report is so bad that nothing will get me out.

the sad part. i paid off a huge chunk of debt in 2007. huge. i dropped that debt by 75%. but that doesn't matter because there is still more. and i can't get rid of it. i'm trying here. and now i'm drowning in despair and debt.

i am spiraling out of emotional control. i know this post is ridiculous, but this post is an outlet, a place where i can try and regain some of the control of my life that i truly feel i've lost.

and now, i am just so sad. about everything. i am so angry, and so word less.

warning: way over dramatic

I want to be a nurse. That's all there is. I want it. Desperately. Passionately. Obsessively want to be a nurse. I want to take care of people. I want the little RN next to my name. For the past 3 years, I have taken pre-requisites. I have learned my bones, muscles, viruses and bacterias. I have taken the GRE's multiple times, spent multiple sums of money on GRE study material.

I have sent out applications to numerous schools numerous times, only to get numerous rejection letters. Three years worth of wait lists and rejection letters. THREE YEARS!

Until Tuesday.

I was accepted in to Massachusetts General Hospital's
Institute of Health Professions' accelerated bachelor of science in Nursing.

FINALLY.

So, what's the issue? How the hell do I pay for it? No idea. Not one. Ok, that's not true. I need money, I need loans. And I can't get them. Remember, I am stupid. I have poor credit thanks to my undergraduate years, and stupidity. And remember, I don't have family there to support me. I don't have a daddy to come run over and sign my loan. I am on my own.

I guess it's my bed, and I need to lie in it. But man, it sucks. A lot. I don't like this bed, and I have no frickin' clue on how to get out of it. NO IDEA. I claim to be Miss Independent, and in reality, I so desperately depend on other people, it's not even funny. At all.

Help is what I need.
I need money. I need confidence. I need a co-signer for a loan.
I need to increase my credit score. I need to decrease my debt.
I need help.

Can you help me?

Please?

personal core values...

Most of you know that I am attempting to get in to nursing school. I am sending applications to as many places as fiscally possible. Currently, I am reviewing the application for the Summer of 2010 for Johns Hopkins University. There are 4 essays that are required, and luckily for me, I have quite a few months to write these, edit them, rewrite them, trash them and start the process again. The questions are (clearly summarized) "why do you want to be a nurse", "address your reasons for applying to ... including your work and volunteer experience as related to future goals", "give example of utilizing critical thinking skills..." and finally, the one that stumps me the most:

Diversity is one of the core values of the Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing. Members of the School of Nursing community agree to "embrace our differences in experience, culture and other aspects as a way to enhance all our activities". One of the values in professional nursing practice is the "respect for the inherent worth, dignity, and human rights of all individuals". our patients may not share the same ethnicity, culture or set of values as you. Describe a scenario hat challenged your core values and explain how you responded.

I've got to say, this one stumped me. A lot. I asked Marian for some suggestions and then I realized, before I can answer this question, I need to answer another one.

What are my core values?

So now I ask you. What are your core values, and how did you come to realize what they were? Did you pick 20 words and then cut them down to 5 (that's something that i read on-line)? Did you just decide something was important to you? I appreciate your feedback! Thank you!

i've decided....

that on my birthday. i am going to be selfish. i feel as though for the most part of my day, i am not selfish. yes there is the occasional, i am sitting in this seat and you are not types of things that occur, but, generally, i am not selfish.

for my birthday this year, i want. i yearn to be paid attention to. i want a small fuss to be made in my name. i want someone else to make me cupcakes or cookies. i want someone else to suggest that they take me out to dinner, dessert, coffee, to a movie, to the museum, or to something i want to do...

maybe, it's inappropriate to be so selfish, but, i don't think i care all that much. so on february 15th, try to be less self-centered, and pay attention to me!

i bet your friday night wasn't nearly as fun...

I'll begin at the beginning, clearly a very good place to start says Maria from the Sound of Music. Wednesday and Thursday, I had a pounding headache affecting all aspects of me functioning like a human being. Thursday night, i took the migraine medicine I do have, and that stuff wipes you out. You HAVE to sleep. So I called out on Friday because there was NO way I could work 12 hours with this stuff in my system, plus the headache never quite went away.

Friday afternoon I was chatting with a friend at the Red Cross who mentioned she was going to a fire, and I was pretty jealous. (let's call her RedCrossGal) I mentioned, casually of course, that I was home, and could come and help. So I met up with them and we headed out. Surprisingly enough, moving about a bit, helped the headache slightly. Perhaps it was also the 3 excedrine migraine i had taken on top of my other meds... yikes!

The fire was a fire, but plenty of fun and quite a learning experience. I like to ask questions, so I picked RedCrossGuy's brain. I am sure RedCrossGal got a kick out of watching the whole situation.

Anywhoo- we came home and i showered and got ready to meet up with a few folks from Suffolk for a birthday celebration of a good friend. I had driven Ali's car with the plan of not getting drunk and driving D-Rod home. The car was parked in the 100 Clarendon garage, and being the smartest girl ever, i wrote on the ticket, exactly where the car was parked. 3B. I walked to Cleary's and stood in line for a good 20-3o minutes, which wouldn't be all that surprising except that it was 8:30 and so not line time. I finally got in and met up with folks and by 10:30 most of the people had arrived. We had gotten a few beers and were enjoying our selves.

Around 1, i wanted to put on some lip gloss and check my phone. As it turns out, I couldn't find my wristlet or the keys that were attached. I panicked. Full on panicked. I had only had 2 beers and that was hours ago, so i was 100% sober, and I must say, I think I may have been way happier drunk. Anyways, everyone was so helpful in our group, I can't say the same for the folks at the bar. We were underneath the tables and moving all the coats around and seriously looked every where. In the midst of the panicking D-Rod finally made me go outside and cancel my credit cards. So, that means, no access to cash, no automatic payments going through, none of that business. My phone was gone, so i had to cancel that. My zip card gone, my t-pass, my $25 ace hardware gift certificate, my NY licence and of course the 60 dollars I had taken out earlier in the night. And most importantly, THE CAR KEYS.

D-Rod and I called AAA around 2. It came to be that his account had expired, so being the wonderful person he is, he renewed his membership and we got down to business. First we asked for a locksmith to come and make us a key. That was at 2. When no one showed around 3ish, we called and found out that no locksmith was available. So we called for a tow. When 4:30 rolled around and no one was there. We finally gave up. Keeping in mind, we are going up and down from floor 1 where there are small heaters to floor 3 where the car is parked, every 15 minutes or so making sure that the car is still there. When at 4:30 no one had stolen the car and we were cold, hungry and very tired, we decided to go to D-Rod's house and start fresh in a few hours. We walked from the garage to the Copley Park Plaza (i think it was that one) and got some cashola from the ATM to get home, then got in a cab and arrived to the house.

No lie, i slept in my coat and all my going out clothes. I did get to look at myself in the mirror at the hotel and discovered that all my mascara and eye liner was flowing down my face making my cheeks less rosy and more grey/blackish. Ick.

We got out the door around 10 - 10:30 where our quest began. First calling AAA. Then calling one roommate to get keys to the house and calling friends to pick Ali up at the airport if I couldn't. The tow truck with dolly arrived around 12:30. We learned some very important lessons from this. Always back in to the spot and always keep your wheels straight. They can get you out better that way. So they got the car out of the spot on a dolly and we met up with a flat bed truck that would be taking the car to the Honda dealership because if you didn't know cars after 98 need to be taken to the dealership to get duplicate keys made. LAME. On our waya to the Honda place, we stopped by the Shamrock to pick up a set of keys from Atree so i can get in to the house. So i get in to the house and frantically look for my passport and any id i had. I ended up with my Red Cross ID and my work ID. HA.

When all is said and done, we got the keys in fairly good time. It was 3 when i left the dealership, about 15 hours since the whole scenario had begun. D-Rod let me write him a check and gave me some money to get a new phone and new t-pass and maybe some food for the week. Speaking of new phone, send me an email or text with your info so I have it. The number is the same! I'll be awaiting my new cards in the mail to set up my payment plans on everything again. It's just such an inconvenient thing. Annoying more than anything.

Who ever took my bag is stupid b/c all they really got was a fake coach bag, a crappy ass phone with water damage, 55 dollars (b/c i did pay for one beer), zip card they can't use, id they can't use, an ACE hardware gift certificate (which i love, but, i feel most people won't use), and car keys to a car that's not even there anymore.

Oh, and my favorite lip gloss.

A new year means... a new post?

I figured I would write here since there are so many statistics about if you actually take the time to write down your resolutions are such-and-such more likely to keep them. So here I go.

1. the most common resolution EVER! I want to get back in gear with this fitness/weight loss/health thing. I did it before, I can do it now. I am trying to take is slower though, no big goals, just small ones to accomplish and then grow... For instance, yes, go to the gym as much as I can, but when I can't, I bought a fitness ball so i can just take 30 minutes and do a quick ab workout, and then not feel as guilty about the missing the gym thing.

2. Appreciate and Respect money. I have debt, I am pretty sure most of you know that. I have it from schools and from medical things and the worst, debt from friends who graciously let me borrow money. I have created a plan. I think the plan can work. As long as I stick to the plan. This may also mean I don't have a ton of spending cash, but that's where the appreciation and respect come in. I need to realize that money is something not to be wasted on what I want now, but to be kept until needed. Yes, I can buy a few things when I want them, but I can't always buy them when I want them. I need to be more specific in what I buy.

3. Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold.

I think that's it for now. If you've got suggestions or comments, I'd love to hear from you (part of that is being in contact with people - a resolution must!).

Hope you all had a great year!!