maybe this will help...

August 29. To me that's a pretty significant date. It's the anniversary of Katrina. Part of the reason my left wrist has a ink in it.

Doing relief work is an amazing experience. It brings your mind, body and spirit to a completely different place. Sometimes a calmer place because you know that you get to board a plane, go home and go back to all your earthly possessions, which you have all of. There is a bit of survivors guilt, which i admit to be oh so guilty of, always. But it's a really important thing to me to be involved in something bigger than I, something that I can do to change the greater good.

Last night, I received a call from the American Red Cross. They asked me to deploy to the gulf. My answer was maybe/yes. I had to speak to my boss first. I had already brought up the possibility of being deployed with her a few days ago when I received a preliminary email warning us about the possibility of deployment.

This morning when i approached my boss with the news of deployment on Saturday for 18 days, she was not so pleased. From her stand point, I can TOTALLY understand. One of your employees asks to leave for 18 days on oh 10 hours notice? HA. But this isn't vacation, this is something bigger, better and more important than laying on a beach some where. But that choice is not up to me yet.

I am awaiting an email that either approves or denies my request for personal leave. If it is denied, I have been given the option to leave my position today to go down tomorrow, with out it being here when i return. And i am not sure at this point what my decision might be. I recognize that I have been here for 1 year, and jumping jobs does not look good. But on a resume, disaster relief looks pretty awesome... Nursing schools will admire my character and accept me right away right? Ha, I wish. And to be honest, I am not so sure how I will react Monday morning if I wake up in my bed, in my apartment. I think i may be in quite a funk and not the same because doing this is something I love to do, something I have a passion for, and to be denied that is, well (in the most dramatic sense) is like denying my air.

well, my tumbling tummy will have to continue until i have a more definite answer, which i fear will be a bad one.