where you can find me...

So, after much turmoil, i have decided thus far to stay here, in Boston. However, that doesn't mean that I am all that happy about it. I have been uncomfortable, uneasy, antsy and wicked emotional. I tend to space out a lot more frequently... and it's just not so great.

I spent a decent about of the day on the computer and watching tv. I decided to take a walk at one point because I was just frustrated with myself and the coverage. Right now, Anderson, my dear Anderson, is reporting from the French Quarter and it seems as though the storm has started to make it's way in.

Depressing to say the least. Right now, the story is about the homeless that are squatting in abandoned buildings and that they may try to ride out the storm. The group called Unity is going through these houses where clearly people are living. It's hard to watch for me because I feel like i can put my self in Unity's eyes... going around looking for folks they know to get them some where safe.

Hospitals right now are also not evacuating. Which i think it crazy, but good. I hope to GOD that they are completely prepared and are ready for anything. Apparently, the children's hospital in NOLA now has a helipad, which they did not have before. They are letting parents to stay at the hospital with the patients and they have a ton of diesel fuel.

That's what I want to see. I want to see just the property damage. In the movie "Low and Behold" the insurance guy makes a big speech about the dream, a HUGE natural disaster with a lot of property damage and no casualties. Sounds silly, but sounds great...

So now, you can find me by any news outlet. I plan on watching this storm, watching the damage and deciding whether I quit my job or not. Sounds a little insane, and i know that, I have been toiling over this in my head for 5 days now. I hope to soon either be comfortable with the decision I made, or strong enough to make a different one.

Keep the city of Nawlin's, Houma, and others in your thoughts. Pray and support those who are down there, the national guard, the NOPD and NOFD, FEMA and the volunteers that they stay safe and strong and make the appropriate decisions. And keep me in your thoughts, if you catch me zoning out, just shake me a little, i'll come back from the place i love.

maybe this will help...

August 29. To me that's a pretty significant date. It's the anniversary of Katrina. Part of the reason my left wrist has a ink in it.

Doing relief work is an amazing experience. It brings your mind, body and spirit to a completely different place. Sometimes a calmer place because you know that you get to board a plane, go home and go back to all your earthly possessions, which you have all of. There is a bit of survivors guilt, which i admit to be oh so guilty of, always. But it's a really important thing to me to be involved in something bigger than I, something that I can do to change the greater good.

Last night, I received a call from the American Red Cross. They asked me to deploy to the gulf. My answer was maybe/yes. I had to speak to my boss first. I had already brought up the possibility of being deployed with her a few days ago when I received a preliminary email warning us about the possibility of deployment.

This morning when i approached my boss with the news of deployment on Saturday for 18 days, she was not so pleased. From her stand point, I can TOTALLY understand. One of your employees asks to leave for 18 days on oh 10 hours notice? HA. But this isn't vacation, this is something bigger, better and more important than laying on a beach some where. But that choice is not up to me yet.

I am awaiting an email that either approves or denies my request for personal leave. If it is denied, I have been given the option to leave my position today to go down tomorrow, with out it being here when i return. And i am not sure at this point what my decision might be. I recognize that I have been here for 1 year, and jumping jobs does not look good. But on a resume, disaster relief looks pretty awesome... Nursing schools will admire my character and accept me right away right? Ha, I wish. And to be honest, I am not so sure how I will react Monday morning if I wake up in my bed, in my apartment. I think i may be in quite a funk and not the same because doing this is something I love to do, something I have a passion for, and to be denied that is, well (in the most dramatic sense) is like denying my air.

well, my tumbling tummy will have to continue until i have a more definite answer, which i fear will be a bad one.